Anger Management

What Is Anger?

If you are a human being, you have experienced anger. Anger is not a bad emotion, it is how one manages anger feelings that make anger either bad or good. Do all animals, including human beings, feel anger? We don’t know much about other animals. They can not tell us how they feel. But we do acknowledge that other animals have aggressive behavior.

Are aggressiveness and anger related? Perhaps on some level. All anger has at its core, feelings of anxiety. The initial anxiety can be a consequence of hurt, disappointment, frustration, or annoyance. However, anger is the outcome. Anger is on a continuum from slight irritation to a very strong rage. Usually, aggressiveness has more of a power/control impetus; but may result in anger, if the power goal is thwarted in any way.

Anger is a protective mechanism which allows us to respond to threats. If we did not feel anger, we would not be able to survive as a species. However, in many cases in our modern world, the threat is not a life-death issue, but a threat to our self-esteem or ego.

There are three ways of dealing with anger: expression, suppression, or calming. All three of these ways can be healthy, and are often used in anger management. Expressing one’s anger assertively, with respect for yourself and others, is usually considered the most effective method for dealing with anger. Suppressing anger consciously, when the situation can not be controlled, by thinking of other ideas, images, or subjects can also be healthy. Finally, calming methods such as counting to ten, or relaxation breathing is widely accepted as a technique to use in angry situations.

What Are the Dangers of Suppressed Anger?

As anxiety is at the core of all anger, when one suppresses anger, anxiety symptoms may occur. If the anxiety is on-going; anxiety disorders usually surface. On-going anxiety may also lead to depression, as the person starts to feel helpless and hopeless about whatever situation is causing the under-lying anxiety. Some scientists believe that depression occurs as the result of chronic anxiety depleting one’s energy over a period of time, and/or sleep disorders which occur in chronic anxiety.

Chronic anxiety plays havoc with our neural-hormonal mediators; therefore, high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, digestive disorders, and other diseases caused by a weakened immune symptom may also occur.

However, unsuppressed anger, which results in inappropriate outbursts, can be equally damaging. Relationships may suffer, self esteem may be weakened, and even work environments can be damaged. At the extreme end of the continuum, physical abuse, crime and other violent behavior may be a result of uncontrolled expressed anger.

Are some people more prone to anger than others?

It seems some people are genetically prone to having less tolerance for frustration. Note some babies who are more irritable and fussy than others. Another example are the number of people who always seem to be grumpy, cynical or complaining. Not very pleasant people to associate with, are they?

Socio-cultural reasons may also play a part in people who have a difficult time in managing their anger feelings. From an early age, they may have learned that expressing hurt, love, or depression are OK; but expressing anger is never OK. In these circumstances, anger is always perceived as bad. The person, therefore, never learns how to manage these normal, human feelings.

Lastly, the family one grows up in may also play a role in anger management. Families, who exhibit a lot of disorder, chaos, and inadequate anger management skills, will probably breed children who are equally inept.

What are some ways to deal with anger?

Some people choose to ignore or bottle up anger, but this approach may actually cause more harm because the root problem is never addressed. Instead, try to manage anger so it can become a more positive emotion.
Here are some ideas:

Relax.

Breathe deeply from your diaphragm (your belly, not your chest) and slowly repeat a calming word or phrase like "take it easy." Think of relaxing experiences, such as sitting on a beach or walking through a forest.

Think positively.

Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you, but rather you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Psychologists call this technique cognitive restructuring. Rather than reinforcing thoughts of how terrible the situation is, how unjust, how angry you feel; one uses the same internal mechanism to inform oneself that the situation is upsetting, perhaps frustrating; but it is not the end of the world, that there are several responses one can use to change the perspective.

Problem-solve.

Identify the specific problem that is causing the anger and approach it head-on––even if the problem does not have a quick solution.

Communicate with others.

Angry people tend to jump to conclusions. Slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. At times, criticism may actually be useful to you.

Manage stress.

Make sure to set aside personal time to deal with the daily stresses of school, activities, and family. Ideas include:

• Listening to music
• Writing in a journal
• Exercising
• Meditating
• Talking about your feelings with someone you trust.

Change the scene.

Maybe a change of environment would help reduce angry feelings. For example, if your friends are angry frequently and/or make you angry, consider making some new ones who may contribute more to your self-confidence and well-being. Or, if your child’s messy room upsets you, close the door.

The American Psychological Association
http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html