When You Want To Help Someone With Anorexia Or Any Serious Emotional Problem

Eating disorders cripple the mind and heart with growing tumors of body dissatisfaction, perfectionism, and an overarching need for control. You cannot fix those things. That is a job for physicians, psychologists, and other mental health therapists who have been trained to work with these desperately needy, yet stubborn and defiant, people who are doing the best they know how to take control of their lives in a world they find scary, lonely, and confusing.

Does that mean there is nothing you can do to help? No. There is much you can do. You can be a friend, a parent, a spouse, a partner, a sibling -- someone who cares -- and there is great value in the support and encouragement you can provide in that role.

What you cannot be is a trained clinician, and trained clinicians are what is required for recovery from an eating disorder. Therefore, your primary focus should be to encourage the person to talk things over with a physician or counselor. If, after an evaluation, ongoing treatment is advised, encourage the person to begin it and stick with it until the problem is resolved.

Your biggest problem will be convincing the person to do this. Nothing will change until s/he admits s/he has a problem and accepts help. At first s/he will deny there is a problem. S/he will fear weight gain and resist it mightily. S/he will be ashamed and not want to admit what s/he is doing. S/he has used the eating disorder to protect, hide, comfort, and empower her/himself. In the beginning, at least, s/he will not want to give it up. S/he sees asking for help as some kind of shameful admission of inadequacy and entering treatment as loss of control. Arriving at a new and healthier perspective is her/his first challenge on the road to recovery.